Wednesday, 13 May 2015

A New Start - personal post




So, where do I start? 
Lets start by saying I'm really sorry to anybody who gave this blog their attention. When I first started writing back in 2013 I had every intention of posting frequently. This blog was the first thing in my life I felt really passionate about and put effort into. It comforted me in ways other things couldn't because as it grew and grew so did I. It made me more confident and happy and opened up so many amazing opportunities for me. I am still thankful for that to this day.

Who would of thought after less than a year of starting this blog I would of been nominated for an award with Cosmopolitan. I mean how crazy is that? A girl who considers herself a nobody and a bit of an outcast at times to be put in the spotlight among some of the best bloggers in the industry? I still can't get my head around it to this day but it meant the absolute world to me, even if I didn't win.

Come towards the end of 2014 and things started to take a turn for the worse. My moods got really bad. I was lashing out at loved ones and I just didn't feel like myself anymore. I don't even know what was wrong with me. I just felt like everything good in my life wasn't worth doing. Funny thing depression isn't it?

With near enough 6000 readers I put immense pressure on myself to produce high quality professional posts. But looking back at the content I'd produced I absolutely hated it. I hated the writing, I hated the photography. Everything I did never felt good enough. So I decided to take a break. A long break.
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In that time things in my life have been a bit hectic. So I hear you ask... Where have you been and what have you been doing with yourself?

Well, first things first. After I decided to take a step back from blogging I split up with my long term boyfriend. This absolutely crushed me of course as the whole "its not you its me" line didn't go down very well and I was left without a real explanation. I eventually went on sick at work as my mental health was worrying and everything was getting on top of me. 
Thankfully this was a really good time where I focused on getting myself better. I took a huge gamble, packed up all of my things and moved into a flat with one of my good friends. It was just what I needed. I instantly felt at ease being in my own space. 

After a month of settling into my new digs I decided it would be the right time to go back to my job. It wasn't easy. I was issued a warning and to this day I am constantly trying to prove myself to them which wears me down immensely. Still, my job is what maintains me being independent and I'm not giving up that easily. 

During Christmas I was starting to feel like myself more and I began speaking to someone new. At the time the thought of even attempting to commit to anyone else sent my stomach churning and I thought this new boy would of been the perfect match for a friend of mine. Jump forward three or four months and it turns out hes a perfect match for me. He has been so supportive and he is a constant reminder that there are good people in this world. So I guess that means there's a new man in my life. Go me!

Jump forward to now and things in my life have improved so much. I finally feel like I am ready to give this blog all of my attention. Writing is a real passion of mine and I don't want to give it up just because there have been a few bumps in the road. My aim is to just be true to myself and what I write. I don't care if the photography's a little off, or that I spelt "their" as "there". I'm not perfect and I'm not striving for this blog to be perfect anymore. 

I truly appreciate everyone who read my posts before my hiatus and I will appreciate anyone who will continue to read them now I'm back. Here's to 2015 and a new start to blogging!


Thank you to anyone who managed to read this far. It was a very personal post to write. Any comments are welcome and don't forget to leave your links! :)


Photos & Words : Sammeh Williamson 

29 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you had so many hard moments and depression. That's seriously bad, heavy stuff.
    But I'm so glad for you this darkness seems to have lifted to a great extend, and that you can enjoy and be passionate about things again!
    I keep all my fingers crossed for you!
    And of course I'll be happy to see what you'll like to come up with on here online, and wish you much luck and most of all lots of fun with blogging again this year!

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    1. What a lovely comment. Thank you!
      Things always have a way of working out and I couldn't be happier at the moment. I'm really looking forward to writing and posting again. Got lots lined up for the next coming weeks

      x

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  2. I am new ready your blog but I am honestly so impressed by your honesty and commend you for being so strong through a difficult time in your life. I'm sorry you had to go through something like that but everything happens for a reason and you have a right future ahead!!

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    1. Aww thank you. That really means a lot to me. I totally agree with you. Everything does happen for a reason! Everything and everyone has something to teach you.

      Thanks for commenting :) x

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    2. No problem!! Thanks for the follow!! Can't wait for more of your posts to come !

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  3. So proud of you for not only fighting through the hard times but also for your honesty and integrity with being so open! You're an inspiration to the people around you xoxox

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    1. That's such a lovely thing to say! Not going to lie, I felt really nervous posting this but you've really made it worthwhile after reading your comment. Thank you :)

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  4. Wow.. what a journey. Challenges happen before a breakthrough. It's almost a way to weed out the negative and bad things that stop us from moving forward in our lives. I'm glad you managed to fight and stay strong and you've come out better on the other side. I don't understand why you got a warning letter from your job when you were battling a mental illness. And did you see a therapist during your recovery time, how did you manage to overcome the depressive state?
    www.anythingbeautygoes.com

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    1. Thank you! I completely agree with you. Bad things happen in life but it certainly almost teaches you something new and makes you stronger. I honestly couldn't be happier at this stage in my life now.
      I guess it was just standard procedure for the company to issue the warning letter as I have had a lot of time off previously due to mental illness. I don't argue too much about it, all I can do is prove myself. I have seen a therapist in the past but they just don't do it for me. Medication has been the only relief I've got while dealing with depression and anxiety. I guess what really helped me this time round was keeping busy and pushing myself to do things that I've always wanted to do. Moving out into my own space really helped as I had no time to really think about things too much too. I don't think I'll ever fully overcome depressive episodes, I think the best thing to do is just fill your mind with positive thoughts and fill your life with positive people.

      Thanks for commenting lovely :)

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  5. Depression is terrible, and sometimes things like blogs have to take a back seat, but it is good you now find yourself in a better place. Here's to the future.

    #UKBloggers

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  6. GIRRRRRRRL, you have come SO FAR. You've been on a heck of a journey and I certainly do believe that all things happen for a reason even though it's difficult to see when you're going through a challenging time.

    Stay strong! <3

    Lima

    www.fashionicide.com

    xoxo

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  7. I'm new to your blog and sorry to hear about your past, I hope it truly is all behind you! You look to have a good plan for what's ahead though, and I look forward to hearing about it! X3

    -Thylaylii
    http://tomorrowsheretoday.blogspot.co.uk

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  8. I'm new to your blog and sorry to hear about your past, I hope it truly is all behind you! You look to have a good plan for what's ahead though, and I look forward to hearing about it! X3

    -Thylaylii
    http://tomorrowsheretoday.blogspot.co.uk

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  9. HI Sammeh, loved this post and very pleased to see you back in the proverbial saddle! Glad to hear that things are feeling better for you now. Stay positive and remember that the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect is often the worst. Be kind to yourself (as my yoga teacher says every session) and she is right. It has taken me until 45 to realise that we should be. Take care x

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  10. I have just started blogging to, i hope everything is okay.

    http://emmajane01.blogspot.com

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    1. I'll be sure to check your blog out :)

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  11. Nice to see you back!
    Blogging should be a release not a pressure your readers will always stick around xx

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  12. I'm glad things are picking up again for you now, I know how hard it can be dealing with depression it's extremely overwhelming & I too have recently neglected my blog due to it. I'm really looking forward to seeing what you've got planned with your blog though :)

    L x

    www.loulabeth.co.uk // bloglovin'

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    1. Sometimes you just need to take a breather. It does you the world of good. Thank you! I've got lots of posts lined up and can't wait to share them. x

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  13. When going through hard times its great to set out goals to regain that structure and control. So happy that you have made it through and have set plans for you blog, cant wait to see how your blog develops. Congratulation on 6000 :O
    bubbasdoll.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you! :)
      6000 readers terrifies me haha.
      I really do appreciate anyone who takes the time out to read my little space though.

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  14. Lovely and honest. Glad things are working out for you, seems you're back on your feet. And romance too! Will keep an eye on your blog. x

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    1. Things always find a way of working out :)
      Thank you, I hope you do!
      x

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  15. Hey, life happens. It isn't about where you were, but where you are, and where you are headed. Sounds like this will be a better year, so I'm looking forward to what you have to say!

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    1. Thanks :) I'm looking forward to posting again. I hope people stick around and give this blog a chance.

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  16. Well done for opening up, it must have been hard! But I'm so glad you're in a better place now and I'm definitely going to keep up with your blog :) xx

    Stephanie | ouistephanie.com

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    1. I wasn't overly enthusiastic about posting this to be honest as it does show my weekness but this blog is all about being open and honest so I wouldn't do it any other way.

      Thanks for your kind words and I hope you do keep up to date. I'll be sure to check out your blog too :)

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  17. Aweee, I'm glad to hear you're back gal. It was such a good idea to take a step back from blogging and work on things x Im so happy to hear you are doing better and hope that everything works out with your new relationship and flat x

    Caitriona | Blog

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  18. It's great that things in your life are turning around for the better. Its now time to relax and get back to doing what you enjoy.

    oliveneedpopeye.blogspot.com

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